Fade Into You
by christmasinacup
Summary: At the end of/post-All Things. The last few days have been slow motion for Dana Scully and she's lost. Thankfully, there's one person who always finds her.
1. When You Need Somebody

I just watched "All Things" and was hit with inspiration. Song for this chapter is "When You Need Somebody" by Lux Lisbon.

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Dana Scully woke up to the neon glow of a fish tank. It took her a moment to realize it was Mulder's fish tank. She groggily sat up, rubbing her eyes and looking around the dark room. In the shadows and the glow of the fish tank, she recognized his apartment. But she didn't see him.

She stood up and felt the blanket slip down to the floor. She didn't remember that blanket. Had Mulder laid it on top of her when she fell asleep? When did she fall asleep, anyway? She bent down, picked up the blanket and held it to her chest in a messy lump and she made her walk towards the kitchen, trying to glimpse the microwave clock. But instead, she saw a light on down the hall and turned to walk towards it. She wasn't sure which room it was, but as she got closer, she saw it was Mulder's bedroom. She kind of forgot he had one, to be honest. All she really knew was his leather couch, ridiculously messy desk and fish tank.

As she got closer, she squinted and her eyes adjusted to the light. Mulder was sitting atop his unmade bed, glasses on, reading a book. The way he sat struck her as odd - he was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, slightly hunched over his book. All that was missing was a flashlight and a blanket tented over his head and he would be a 10 year old boy reading under the covers, not ready to go to bed yet.

"Mulder, what time is it?," she asked softly. He looked up, slightly startled. Her stocking feet on the carpet had been very quiet and he'd been engrossed in his book. He turned to glance at his alarm clock.

"10 pm," he said, setting his book down and sliding off the bed to stand in front of her.

"How long was I out?," she asked, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. The blanket was still bunched up in the other. He took it from her gently and tossed it on his bed.

"Uhhh, maybe a few hours?," he guessed. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Scully, are you alright? Have you slept much lately?"

"No, I haven't," she said with a sigh, running a hand through her hair and looking around the room. "Sorry - you should've woken me up."

"No no, its okay," he murmured, attempting to make direct eye contact with her. "Scully, look at me."

She flicked her eyes up to his and held his gaze.

"Are you - do you need anything?," he fumbled. He was concerned, an emotion he wasn't great at expressing. She took a deep breath.

"I don't know, Mulder. I feel like… like everything I thought I knew has been destroyed by all the things I don't. I'm…"

She felt herself wobble and he reached out to steady her.

"Whoa, Scully, are you okay?"

She pursed her lips and looked up at him. "I… I don't…"

Dana Scully felt the last few days finally take their toll on her. It was like her soul and her body finally caught up to each other. The years between the last time she saw Daniel and today suddenly came crashing down around her. She felt empty and sad and Mulder's eyes were warm and loving and open. They were the fireplace on a snowy day, her hot bath tub at the end of a stressful day, the comfort that helped heal her aches and bruises. That warmth traveled straight to her bones and she felt like she had been zapped with an electric current.

"Scully," Mulder said. The warmth dulled and she saw a flicker of fear. She shook her head slightly and snapped out of her reverie.

"Mulder," she whispered, reaching for his face. She launched forward on her heels and kissed him, taking in the softness of his lips and wrapping her fingers up in his short hair. He kissed back urgently, wrapping his arms around her waist. They kissed until they ran out of air and she pulled back, panting slightly and felt it. She felt everything slide back into real time.

"That was…," he trailed off, staring into space. She frowned and took a step back.

"I'm sorry, that was… I shouldn't have," she said hurriedly, trying to exit the room. He caught her by the end and drew her back to him.

"No, you should have. I should have kissed you first," he whispered. "It's been weeks since I kissed you in that stupid hospital and I shouldn't have… shouldn't have waited this long."

She was speechless. He kissed her again and she melted into his arms like chocolate. They kissed until they ran out of air yet again and when they did, Scully took the opportunity to shed her jacket before taking his face in her hands again. She didn't know where this hunger came from, but it must have been the same source that caused her to chase a blonde woman around until she finally caught up to her and found it wasn't a phantom woman, but Mulder in his silly Stonehenge baseball cap. With those sweet, puppy dog eyes of his.

"Wait," Mulder whispered against her lips. "Do you… I don't want to do this just because…"

"Mulder," she whispered, drawing back to make eye contact with him. "This is not because of that." She couldn't say Daniel's name when she was kissing Mulder in his bedroom.

"This is because I've been running for too long," she said softly, caressing his earlobe. "Someone told me recently that I need to slow down."


	2. Falling Slowly

Song for this chapter are Such A Simple Thing by Ray LaMontagne and Falling Slowly from Once.

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Everything had felt like it was in slow motion the last few days. Like she was underwater.

She sat up and looked over at Mulder, fast asleep and tangled up in the blankets. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Like the burdens of his past were sitting on the nightstand, allowing him to have the night off before he put them back on his shoulders in the morning.

The clock read midnight. She wanted to go home and put her silk pajamas back on and sleep through the night. She wanted the kind of sleep that would give her clarity when she awoke.

Gently, she slipped out of bed and collected her clothing from the floor. She snuck into the bathroom and closed the door behind her, dressing quickly. She didn't want to wake him. When she finally caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she slipped her sweater back over her head, she barely recognized herself. When was the last time she had seen herself in the mirror post-sex?

Her hair wasn't too messy, just needed to be smoothed out a little. Actually, there wasn't much evidence of what she had just been doing.

What had she done? Had she done the right thing? She honestly had no idea. All she knew was that she needed to be alone to sort it out. The pantyhose didn't need to go back on - she balled them up in her hand and tiptoed out of the bathroom, fetching her jacket from the floor and draping it over her arm, then making her way back to the living room. Her shoes were by the coffee table and her purse was next to the door. She stuffed the pantyhose into her purse, crept out the door and waited until she was a few feet down the hall before she put her shoes back on.

And then she stopped. She hadn't even glanced back at Mulder as she left him sleeping there. She just abandoned him. It was kind of shitty of her.

They'd just slept together for the first time. She'd initiated it. So why was she sneaking off like a frat boy?

Her heart sunk in her chest. Guilt. She was sneaking off because she felt guilty. Guilty for throwing her arms around him just hours after she left Daniel's hotel room. But it wasn't just because Mulder was there - it was because he had always been there. Even when he wasn't. He was in the back of her mind all the time, no matter what.

She turned back and walked towards his door. It was still unlocked - didn't matter, she had a key. Her purse went back in the same place and she set her shoes neatly beside it. When she walked back into the bedroom, Mulder was awake and sitting up in bed. He saw her renter and his eyes lit up.

"I thought you left," he said, watching her as she climbed back up onto the bed. She didn't respond, just sat facing him and fiddled with a loose thread on the blanket.

"Scully?"

"Hmm," she murmured, looking up at him. "Sorry. Mulder, I…"

He looked confused. She needed to say something, before he thought she hadn't enjoyed herself.

"I don't know what I want."

They sat in silence for a moment. Mulder eventually took her hand.

"Tell me what your heart wants," he said softly. It was such a simple thing, but right now, her heart wanted everything and nothing. To be alone but also to crawl into his arms and strip off all her clothes again.

It felt like an eternity before her lips parted.

"I - " Words failed her, as they often did in times like these. She wasn't much better than him at expressing her emotions, truthfully. She knew she was losing her chance to say the right thing. He looked at her with eyes that knew everything about her. That knew her inside out.

"I want to be with you," the words spilled out. "God, Mulder, I want you. I want to us to crash into each other and I want to escape the bullshit and the crop circles and the death threats and the pain. I'm sick of the shadows and the pain and the confusion and the… and the…"

She has been rambling and felt out of breath. As she gasped to regain air, he stared at her. She didn't notice until she got her breathing back to normal. Then her eyes met his and he cupped her face with his hands.

"I love you," he said.

"You… you do?"

"I have since… well, since Bellefleur, if we're being honest."

She was dumbfounded. "What? How?"

"How could I not?," he said, smiling softly. His thumb caressed her cheek. "You are everything, Scully."

She felt like someone was squeezing her heart, but in a good way, like a tight embrace. She dove towards him and threw her arms around him.

They didn't kiss. They just sat there. She felt the strangest urge to cry and attempted to push it away, but her efforts failed. Her heard the first sob sneak out and gently pried her off him so he could look at her.

"I'm… I'm a mess," she mumbled through the tears. "I've had the weirdest last few days. I was so annoyed with you three days ago and now…"

He sighed. "Yeah, I was an ass. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "It's not that. I mean yes, you were, but… but I think I was so annoyed because I love you too."

It just slipped out. Her stream of consciousness was on a roll and for once in her life, there wasn't an impulse to hold back.

"I was longing for you and part of me thought that maybe… probably you didn't feel the same because you kept running off. You couldn't sit still, always looking for another case frantic to always be in motion. It felt like you were running from something."

Mulder looked at her in awe. "I was running because I felt certain you wanted nothing more from me than to be partners, so I was distracting myself."

They both chuckled at the realization that they'd been torturing themselves in silence. Mulder stroked her cheeks, wiping away the tears that hadn't yet dried.

"Mulder, we have so much to talk about," she whispered. "Especially since we seem to be really bad at talking."

He chuckled again. "Yeah."

"But for now…" she trailed off, pulling her sweater over her head. It fell to the floor and she drew her body back into his. "I just want to do that again. Because it was really, really good."

He grinned. "Couldn't agree more."

Just like she wanted, they crashed into each other. Over and over again.

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Can't decide if this needs a part 3... leave a review and let me know what you think!


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